So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize