I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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