Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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