I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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