Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
