I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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