I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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