I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
