Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
