She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
