I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So many bounce houses so little time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
