didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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