The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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