Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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