Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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