I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
