I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
