Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize