my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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