I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
