quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
