Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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