im drinking this country out of the recession.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
