there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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