i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
