So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
