non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
there is another microwave in the elevator.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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