cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
