pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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