We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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