Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
