One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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