It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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