She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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