I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
