She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize