No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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