Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
