OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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