Buhtt sex?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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