The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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