kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
