fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
