I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
