about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
