I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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