my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
