Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
