he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
