Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm passing your future prison.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
