you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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