i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
