we have pet lesbian snakes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
