oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize