Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
