Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Farmville is her only friend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize