Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
