butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
