dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
