oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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