the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
