Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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