I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
