Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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