when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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