His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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