On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
