I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
