I think im going to throw up on grandma
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
where does the pee come out of this thing
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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