Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
