420 ftw
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
