Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
