I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
