found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
