somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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